new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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