my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
