piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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