my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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