you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
