i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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