Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
