Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
