Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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