i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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