good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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