She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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