he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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