And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
