I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
