Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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