I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
