i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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