One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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