I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
