too bad you live with your parents still
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
