Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
