You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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