I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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