Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
