My first STD was from a foam party
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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