Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
