who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
