you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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