I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
