i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
