Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You are the jesus of drinking
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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