nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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