capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
