All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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