what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
