Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
