apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
