I wish I only lived at night.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh god it's open bar.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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