Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
