He is an equal opportunity slut.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
