if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
