she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We had sex on a dog bed..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
