did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
