Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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