I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
