If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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