does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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