This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
