News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
NoShamevember. You game?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
